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🪨 Hard: Three-Part Podcast Series on Viagra — I’m a big fan of Anna Sale, who hosts Death, Sex, and Money, a podcast on topics that are difficult to discuss. The show recently did a three-part series on Viagra and how the drug has impacted people from all swaths of life. The topic is naturally interesting to me because I’ve written about sexual performance anxiety and ED numerous times in the past. Often, these kinds of stories lean into the more titillating aspects of sex; however, this series does not. Rather, they have lots of interesting conversations with interesting people who say interesting things. One man who lost all sexual function after a car accident left him paralyzed from the waist down described being mad at oneself for struggling to perform as a form of internalized ableism. “Your penis works the way that it does and the way that it doesn't. And there's nothing good or bad about that,” he said. It’s a refreshing take considering our culture that implicitly and explicitly communicates that, if you aren’t able to have rock-hard explosive sex every time you try, then you have failed. — Death, Sex, and Money Podcast Part I; Part II; Part III
🏆 The Mandate Media Club | Awards for Good Boys — The next Mandate Media Club session will be Thu, May 26, 4:30 PM - 6:00 PM PDT. For that session, I’d like to dive into the world of Shelby Lorman, the comedian, author, and creator of the popular Instagram Account “Awards for Good Boys.” Her work brings a humorous approach to a provocative question: Why does society tend to reward men for doing the bare minimum? In past editions of The Mandate, I have referenced the “Nice Guy” trope which, broadly speaking, describes a man who presents himself as a kind soul but then becomes cruel or bitter when he doesn’t get what he wants. I think the “Good Boy” is a similar archetype. Lorman describes him as “a man who would never do anything explicitly bad but, consciously or not, uses his ‘goodness’ as a shield behind which he can get away with still-pretty-bad behavior on the grounds that it is not outwardly horrific.” Lorman’s work also points to a Light Version of the Good Boy, who is willing to challenge or change his problematic behaviors or beliefs (particularly those related to gender, power, or sex) only if his efforts are rewarded with praise. I should note that, according to Lorman, good-boy-behavior is not exclusive to men. A person of any gender can lack self-awareness and demand to be recognized for behaviors that appear as table stakes to everyone else. In this meeting, we’ll talk about how her work shifts our perceptions of gender and how we show up as Good Boys (or Girls) in our own lives. Attendance is free and open to anyone. However, it is limited to 10 people — first come, first serve — Register here
🤖 Ghosting The Machine — Recently, there have been many fraught discussions about the future of robots and sex. In addition to conjuring images of a dystopian future where we no longer seek human company, it also provokes questions of ontology and ethics. Can a sex robot give consent? In what linguistic stratum does the term “digisexual” belong? (A digisexual is “somebody whose preferred mode of sexual experience comes via immersive technologies and may or may not include other people”). Sexual preference (e.g., gay, straight, queer)? Relational orientation (i.e., monogamous vs. polyamorous)? Erotic orientation (i.e., BDSM, kink…)? These are the questions that author Sam Lipsyte grapples with while attending a lecture in Las Vegas on sex, technology, and love. — Harpers Magazine
😾 Tucker Carlson, Fox News, and Outrage Porn — In the last installment, I shared a trailer from a Tucker Carlson-produced documentary called “The End of Men.” It is not yet available to stream, but it appears to peddle a boat-load of pseudo-science and baseless claims about the attack on western masculinity. To put that in a larger context, I wanted to share a three-part series the NY Times recently published that digs into Tucker Carlson’s evolution from a libertarian writer and columnist to the most popular news anchor on television. His rise to popularity has occurred despite (or perhaps because) he recycles racist views that are straight from the white nationalist playbook. The Times also found that Carlson has amped up his attention to the white male victim narrative. Since 2016, he has highlighted tenuous (if not outright false) talking points about shifting gender roles and falling birthrates in more than 200 episodes. These narratives aren’t just “not helpful.” They are outright harmful because they send men to the foxholes, reinforcing the idea that an invitation to self-inquiry is a hostile attack against who they are. — NY Times Part I, Part II, Part III (Part III is particularly interesting because it features hundreds of clips of Carlson in action)
😶🌫️ When A Stress Expert Battles Mental Health — Earlier this week, I was listening to Rich Roll interview Brad Stulberg, the co-author of Peak Performance, a book on, well, exactly what the title says. I was preparing myself for the typical barrage of optimizing truisms, but Stulberg threw me a curveball. While explaining why he wrote his most recent book, The Practice of Groundedness, he told a story about the series of events that led to his being diagnosed with a powerful case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, also known as OCD. In telling my own story, I have had quite a few people look at me quizzically when I explain that I suffered from paralyzing anxiety during the period when I was also winning an Olympic medal. I felt a kind of kinship with Stulberg, who literally wrote the book of optimal headspace, and yet struggled to keep control of his own mind. He also mentioned another point that resonated with me. When he had found his way back to a good mental place, he was afraid to write about his battle with OCD because he worried that doing so would cause the problem to come back. I felt the same about my own anxiety, as if writing about it would invite the universe to send it back with a vengeance. I haven’t read Stulberg’s books, so I can’t vouch for them. However, I did go back and read a piece that he wrote about OCD for Outside magazine, and I highly suggest you check it out. — Outside Magazine
🕹 The Unseen Scars of Those Who Kill By Remote Control — The US military has a crisis on its hand. In the wake of relaxed standards about who can order kills via drone, many pilots can no longer put up with the stress. The military is also a culture where rigid masculinity abounds. While there are mental health resources for said pilots, many don’t access them because they worry that the stigma might impact how they are perceived at their jobs. Some take matters into their own hands. Kevin Larson was an Air Force drone pilot who began using psilocybin (mushrooms) and MDMA (ecstasy) to cope with the trauma. However, when his secret coping mechanisms (which he often used with other struggling colleagues) were revealed, Larson was due to be sentenced to jail time for drug charges and “conduct unbecoming of an officer.” The military could not or would not acknowledge that his distress work might have been the cause. However, before he was sentenced, Larson fled the scene and eventually ended up cornered by Calfornia Highway Patrol officers. He decided to take his own life rather than go to jail. — NY Times (This story was also featured on The Daily)
🍖 In the Court of the Liver King — GQ recently profiled Brian Johnson, aka the “Liver King.” Johnson is representative of a trope that we are becoming increasingly familiar with: a guy who feels like masculinity is under threat and goes about becoming the most hyper-masculine version of himself in response. The Liver King fashions himself as the “CEO of ancestral living” and does, in fact, eat raw liver (a pound a day). This will be no surprise, but he runs a supplement company for the modern-day caveman and avoids carrying groceries because it’s not “a man’s job.” Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed writing in this profile, even if I thought that amidst its subtle mockery, it celebrated Johnson’s audacity a little too much. I think it’s worth the read. — GQ
🔗 More Links! Last week, controversial YouTuber and “Image Consultant” Kevin Samuels passed away, leading to a broad range of reactions, with many condemning his work as a misogynist 🔹 Being Trans, a new podcast about the lives of several trans people, is blazing a new trail by trying making its format similar to reality TV 🔹 In recent years, the number of inpatient mental health care centers for young people has fallen, leaving hundreds of suicidal teens to sleep in emergency rooms every night 🔹 Daniel Radcliffe stars in the biopic of the Weird Al Yankovic, the consummate musical parody maker always keen to poke fun at all topics, including masculinity 🔹
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