Online Dating Shows are Zooming
What a live-streamed dating experiment teaches us about the internet's appetite for men to be vulnerable
I don't know what you did with your Saturday night, but I spent mine glued to the finale of Zoom Bachelor. Live-streamed using Zoom and Twitch, the show was a fascinating experiment in bootstrap broadcasting and COVID courtship.
Over two hours, comedian Sam Clark led eight female contestants in a variety of curious challenges (e.g., corona-mask making, speed painting, and in the previous episode, PowerPoint pitching). VC Fund manager Sheel Mohnot played the role of the Bachelor, awarding his affection to the winner/s in the form a Microsoft clip-art worthy rose. As you can see from the image below, the resulting effect was an experience that felt like the strange love-child of a conference call and an online house party.
Zoom Bachelor could be a weird internet oddity, but I happen to think it's a trend-setting sign of the times. The coronavirus set off an explosion of articles about the search for love in lockdown (PBS, WSJ, NYT, et al.), each asserting that remote dating builds stronger relationships because it gives couples more time to get to know each other.
The most recent season of Australia's (real) Bachelor had to cease live production and temporarily shift to video-conferencing due to the pandemic. And I imagine that, in the future, big-budget shows will look to their low-budget cousins for new format ideas when world events catch them off guard.
But more importantly, Zoom Bachelor is one of many examples of the next generation of creators that bypass gatekeepers and bring their passion on a topic to audiences directly. The show is the brainchild of Maria Shen and Jean Yang, two tech-industry veterans who enjoy match-making on the side.
Despite never having met in person, they cobbled together a team that used low-budget tools to create an end product that endeared itself to its audience because of its janky aesthetic and quirky, internet charm. (Read more: ZB contestant and Andreessen Horowitz alum, Li Jin, has written extensively about the passion economy and the phenomenon of the "minimum viable show").
And while some influencer spectacles are nothing but a conduit for cash (e.g., Logan Paul's foray into live-streamed boxing), Shen and Yang directed the viewers' enthusiasm toward charity. Over a few short weeks, Zoom Bachelor raised nearly $90K for the NAACP Legal Defense Fund.
As the man of the hour, Sheel Mohnot served as an interesting choice. Tech influencer by day and Clubhouse influencer by night, Mohnot also competed on the show's previous iteration, Zoom Bachelorette. And while he didn't find love there, he won over hearts and minds through his infectious bonhomie and beard-shaving bravado.
When I caught up with Sheel after the finale, he had a few things to say about being chosen for the show:
SM: I've never actually seen the real Bachelor. But my understanding is that the show’s producers would never choose a guy like me. I'm not like a big Brawny dude. I would say, in certain respects, I'm less masculine than the people that would be on that sort of show. But…I think that's much more relatable.
This begs the question: Was Sheel's selection a signal that dating shows are moving toward a more modern expression of masculinity? Zoom Bachelor's creators and audience skewed heavily towards the tech industry, so Sheel was a known quantity and sensible pick.
However, I’d personally like to see more multi-dimensional characters on reality TV rather than the ever-present, Caucasian Himbo (note: it took The Bachelor 18 years to select a man of color). Guys like Sheel exude a certain self-assurance based, not on physical appearance, but instead, on their charm, creativity, and intellect.
From what I can tell, he's the kind of jovial chameleon that dives into the beautiful awkwardness of life, as comfortable giving a keynote on seed-round investing as dancing in a music video (I'm not kidding, he had a cameo in Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande's, Stuck with U).
And yet, Sheel received criticism from contestants and audience members alike for failing to be vulnerable enough to show the world who he really is. Let me caveat what might appear as criticism with the acknowledgment that the Zoom Bachelor's task was no walk in the park.
The tone of the show placed it somewhere between a serious search for love and a shade-throwing satire. He is earnest in his quest for “the one,” but I imagine it was challenging for him to figure out when he was supposed to be performing a parody as opposed to revealing his authentic self.
Also, Sheel was juggling a variety of demands, including technical issues with his internet that required he repeatedly sign in and out of the show. Needless to say, those conditions aren't particularly conducive to bearing one's soul.
Which is perhaps why Sheel found himself with his foot in his mouth on more than one occasion. Li (mentioned above) presented him with the image of a delightful Corgi (whom she dubbed "Neville Longbottom") during the speed painting challenge.
And Sheel ran afoul of the audience (and Li) when he admitted that he wasn't bowled over by the idea of a new canine friend.
(Please note that he's issued a fierce rebuttal to this claim)
During another “date,” Daksha, an anthropologist, made a tongue-in-cheek suggestion that they travel to a Southern California landfill after their (hypothetical) wedding. When asked to evaluate her proposition, Sheel said, "I'm not exactly sure that a dumpster…is my ideal honeymoon," thus ignoring the fundamental rule of improvisational comedy, "Yes, and…"
And after each moment-to-moment development, Sheel relied heavily on what soon became his catchphrase, "WOWWWW," leading the audience to roast him in the comments for his poverty of words.
But, to be fair, the female contestants weren't all that emotionally forthcoming until the producers brought on Cindy Gallop, legendary ad-exec and now-CEO of the "social sex video sharing platform," Make Love Not Porn.
Cindy led a conversation about partner compatibility, asking contestants about the important behaviors and values they required for physical and emotional intimacy. All five of the remaining women shared candid answers that (mostly) put jokes aside in favor of a genuine expression of themselves and the qualities they sought in a mate.
No spoilers here. But Sheel eventually picked one of the women, but not without some protest from folks in the audience who felt that his "proposal" to his Zoom fiancée (which effectively meant they might date in the future, maybe) was board-meeting-ish rather than heartfelt.
As I mentioned above, Sheel was juggling quite a few plates, so I thought the criticism was perhaps a bit too tough, even if delivered in a mock-harsh tone congruent with this mock-serious event. So I wanted to give Sheel the opportunity to share his reflections on the experience.
SM: It was really tough to be vulnerable because we had so little time and there was a lot going on…But in general, I feel that I am a very open and public person. And I've found that the more I share, the more closeness I build with other people. In other words, my vulnerability allows others to be vulnerable as well.
Well said Sheel, that’s been my experience, too.
Footnotes
Zoom Bachelor's Go Fund Me page for the NAACP Legal Defense Fund is still live, so head over there to donate.
Watch the whole finale of Zoom Bachelor on Twitch (you have to fast-forward about 30 minutes and the audio doesn’t come in until about 24:02)
About The Mandate Letter
I use this newsletter as a journal to work through my ideas and collect examples of broader trends that reflect how masculinity is evolving in culture. I would very much appreciate your input. If you come across interesting examples of this trend or others, please email me tips at Jason [@] jasonrogers.co. If you're reading this in your inbox, just hit reply, and your response will go directly to me. Also, keep up with me on Twitter & Instagram or text me at 310-299-9363.
If Zoom Bachelor isn't enough for you and you want more online dating shows (or you want to be the star and you live in DC) there's also the Game Show of Love. It might be worth it just for the gossip in the FB group https://www.facebook.com/groups/gameshowoflove/