She recommends playing with non-sexual touch (because our sexual conditioning is so deep it's too easy to fall back into patterns). I've found it really helpful in providing a sense of psychological safety in the bedroom, because it gives me a way to practice asking for what I need/want (to receive), to trust that my partner can do the same (to give), and to get embodied experience trusting that each of us can set boundaries that will be respected. It's a nice way to build physical intimacy and connection without the pressure to perform. Done with a partner you love and are sexually attracted to, it also can set a nice foundation for building toward more physical intimacy.
The other strategy I like (if you partner is at all into sensual/energetic touch, from Jaiya Sa's Erotic Blueprints) is providing that type of touch ("to give" in Betty's framing above) for her pleasure... without any need to center/prioritize your own. Anyway, sharing here in case others may enjoy these practices. Sending solidarity and gratitude for your sharing out loud.
Thanks for the vulnerable share, brother.
One offering here in case it's helpful. Have you come across Betty Martin's 3-minute game? http://bettymartin.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Booklet-Letter-Size.pdf
She recommends playing with non-sexual touch (because our sexual conditioning is so deep it's too easy to fall back into patterns). I've found it really helpful in providing a sense of psychological safety in the bedroom, because it gives me a way to practice asking for what I need/want (to receive), to trust that my partner can do the same (to give), and to get embodied experience trusting that each of us can set boundaries that will be respected. It's a nice way to build physical intimacy and connection without the pressure to perform. Done with a partner you love and are sexually attracted to, it also can set a nice foundation for building toward more physical intimacy.
The other strategy I like (if you partner is at all into sensual/energetic touch, from Jaiya Sa's Erotic Blueprints) is providing that type of touch ("to give" in Betty's framing above) for her pleasure... without any need to center/prioritize your own. Anyway, sharing here in case others may enjoy these practices. Sending solidarity and gratitude for your sharing out loud.