Great interview: I so appreciate Mark's work. The one nuance that didn't come through here (that I know Mark speaks to in relational parenting) is the role other women (our peers, not only our mothers) play in policing the man box. And thus part of our work as parents is to work with our daughters to learn how to hold space for the boys and men in their lives, so they don't react to vulnerability as weakness.
I notice Mark is careful not to dunk on masculinity per se. I love the notion of multiple masculinities... I'm curious if Mark (or others?) would extend that to include women. Part of the reason I don't think the concept of masculinity is helpful is because it genders what are fundamentally human attributes. I would say there are millions of ways to be a man... but I'm not sure it serves us to conflate that with masculinities (Nalo Zidan has a good take on black female masculinity, e.g.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmkBH5aig9s)
Thanks Brian! I think he alights on that point briefly when he says that moms can unknowingly reinforce man-box thinking by trying to make their sons "man enough" to not get bullied while also vulnerable enough to engage in connection. But you are right to point that out! Thank you! Also, your second point (as expected) is wonderfully nuanced and thought-provoking. Words are definitely the only tools we have in this conversation, so we must choose them wisely. I think you and Mark (and maybe even I at this point) could probably sit down and have a meaningful chat about this territory without using the word "masculinity" once. However, if we're drawing others into that convo who don't have the same preamble, I wonder if we could get them to engage with that verbal anchoring point (i.e. masculinity/masculinities)? I don't know, but I'm grateful just to be trying to think it through with others.
Great interview: I so appreciate Mark's work. The one nuance that didn't come through here (that I know Mark speaks to in relational parenting) is the role other women (our peers, not only our mothers) play in policing the man box. And thus part of our work as parents is to work with our daughters to learn how to hold space for the boys and men in their lives, so they don't react to vulnerability as weakness.
I notice Mark is careful not to dunk on masculinity per se. I love the notion of multiple masculinities... I'm curious if Mark (or others?) would extend that to include women. Part of the reason I don't think the concept of masculinity is helpful is because it genders what are fundamentally human attributes. I would say there are millions of ways to be a man... but I'm not sure it serves us to conflate that with masculinities (Nalo Zidan has a good take on black female masculinity, e.g.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmkBH5aig9s)
Thanks Brian! I think he alights on that point briefly when he says that moms can unknowingly reinforce man-box thinking by trying to make their sons "man enough" to not get bullied while also vulnerable enough to engage in connection. But you are right to point that out! Thank you! Also, your second point (as expected) is wonderfully nuanced and thought-provoking. Words are definitely the only tools we have in this conversation, so we must choose them wisely. I think you and Mark (and maybe even I at this point) could probably sit down and have a meaningful chat about this territory without using the word "masculinity" once. However, if we're drawing others into that convo who don't have the same preamble, I wonder if we could get them to engage with that verbal anchoring point (i.e. masculinity/masculinities)? I don't know, but I'm grateful just to be trying to think it through with others.