Jason, This article hit more close to home for me than almost anything I’ve ever read. My mother was a saintly woman - her goodness almost otherworldly. She raised me to take my anger and burry it deep down, until I was 16, when she took her own life. My father then finished the job - raising me to do the exact opposite. I live at both ends of the spectrum - a bit bipolar, but aware of the internal mechanisms that are causing it. The shutdowns happen anytime someone touches that deep part of me that doesn’t want to show vulnerability.
I’m glad I stumbled upon your article in this random corner of the internet. I’ll check out the book by Richard Schwartz. Thanks for taking the time to write this.
Jeff, thank you so much for this heartfelt response. I think it hit me in the exact way you described. Living in the extremes. Hiding what we don’t want others to see. I’m so glad it resonated with you. Be well!
"it is only when you see the conditioning AND the danger of it IMMEDIATELY, and as you would see a precipice, that you act. So seeing is acting." -Krishnamurti 'Freedom from the Known'
Everything starts with awareness. I've found breathwork/meditation, psychedelics, and gestalt exercises helpful in surfacing the specific traumas that have conditioned these shadowy, self-sabotage responses into us.
You are letting the cat out of the bag. I’m here for you.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Jason, This article hit more close to home for me than almost anything I’ve ever read. My mother was a saintly woman - her goodness almost otherworldly. She raised me to take my anger and burry it deep down, until I was 16, when she took her own life. My father then finished the job - raising me to do the exact opposite. I live at both ends of the spectrum - a bit bipolar, but aware of the internal mechanisms that are causing it. The shutdowns happen anytime someone touches that deep part of me that doesn’t want to show vulnerability.
I’m glad I stumbled upon your article in this random corner of the internet. I’ll check out the book by Richard Schwartz. Thanks for taking the time to write this.
Jeff, thank you so much for this heartfelt response. I think it hit me in the exact way you described. Living in the extremes. Hiding what we don’t want others to see. I’m so glad it resonated with you. Be well!
"it is only when you see the conditioning AND the danger of it IMMEDIATELY, and as you would see a precipice, that you act. So seeing is acting." -Krishnamurti 'Freedom from the Known'
Everything starts with awareness. I've found breathwork/meditation, psychedelics, and gestalt exercises helpful in surfacing the specific traumas that have conditioned these shadowy, self-sabotage responses into us.
Thanks, Jason! It's good to know there are others out there like me, living their best lives. Keep on writing. I'm a songwriter.